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Alive and having it

Posted 07.06.16 | by Rebecca Dawe

Bec Pics Set 1-35

The builders have arrived, not in a menstrual way, genuine, real life, tradesmen. Just when I think there isn’t room for anything else, life becomes even more ridiculous. My dogs, being the totally untrained, pain in the arse, creatures that they are, have been making themselves known. The digger driver thankfully loves them and remarked “how could anyone hurt dogs?” In my mind I was thinking, most days I could happily strangle them with the elastic from my most recent knickers they’d chewed up.

Just now I was sitting at the top of a hill, looking at the amazing views over our village. I was shading from the sun and my embarrassment from yet another lady having her flowery, flappy, cotton trousers smeared in mud. The land is totally dry but my two little beasts are sat next to me up to the neck in wet, stinking mud. I have absolutely no idea how it even happened. The lake in the distance is all fuzzy from the balmy heat and the increasing number of flies that are gathering round us.

The bird song is difficult to hear whilst dog n.0 1 crunches his way through a rotting rabbit head. The flies can’t decide whether to gather around the rabbit head or the (mistake purchase of very thin) dog waste bags containing number 2’s from dog N.0 2. I’m sure if they were his, my digger driver would bury them in the tench he’s making. But I need them in my life.

I spend too much of my time pleasing people and conforming to polite “sociable” behaviour. These two dogs of mine, demand everything, give everything and are my daily reminder to be just alive and having it. They don’t give a toss what I think because they just expect the best from me. They know they can run off and only good things happen, that they can steal food off my plate and still get fed in the evening. And when I decide to work on the sofa they can sit on top of my laptop and I simply move it and not push them off. They can be beyond thick but they still run rings around me!

If I had put the time into training them my life would be a million times easier but I doubt my robot dogs would make me laugh so hard.

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